"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag. "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running"
A teenage boy tells his father, "Dad, there's trouble with the car, it has water in the carburetor." The father looks confused and says, "Water in the carburetor, that's ridiculous!" But the son insists. "I tell you, the car has water in the carburetor."
His father, starting to get a little nervous, says "You don't even know what a carburetor is.... but I will check it out. Where is the car?"
"In the pool," replies the son.
A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear
view mirror pulls to the side of the road. Shortly
after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.
The man says, "What's the problem officer?" Officer: "You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you."
Man: "No sir, I was going a little over 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80!" (The man gives wife dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks!" (The man gives his wife another a dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!"
The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"
The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
And so the wife says, "No officer, only when he's drunk."
Effects Of Acceleration
Betty was sitting on a lawn sunning and reading, when she was startled by a Buick Enclave crashing through a hedge and coming to rest on her lawn. She helped the elderly driver out and sat him on a lawn chair. "My goodness," she exclaimed, "you are quite old to be driving!" "Yes", he replied, "I am old enough that I don't need a license."
"What....NO LICENSE?" "Nope! The last time I went to my doctor he examined me, and asked if I had a driving license. I told I did have one and handed it to him. He took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces, threw them in the wastebasket and said, 'You won't be need this anymore.' So, I thanked him and left."
A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is the best convertible sports car,The old man looks over the sleek, shiny red surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?” The young man replies, “A 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. They cost about a quarter of a million dollars!”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?” “Because this car can do over 200 miles an hour!” states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks, “Can I take a look inside?” “Sure,” replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!”
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 220 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!” the young man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!
“Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!” Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! The moped plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the old man and says,
“You gotta tell me how you got that thing to be faster than my Ferrari !” The old man looks up and replies, “OK..., but first, unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror, will ya?”
